Sunday, May 3, 2009

Disappointment and Forgiveness

Lola and I went skating today, but her friend Lavinia had to stay home this time. She was grounded by her father that weekend just from skating, and for reasons we thought a little strange, but hey- - - who am I to argue with what parents establish as house rules?

Anyway, at the last minute Kimmi decided to join us skating, even though she had gone through some dental surgery on Friday and was still very sore. As was the usual routine, we headed off to McDonald’s for lunch (which is the only time we go to eat at McDonald’s aside from grabbing breakfast there on Saturday mornings before all of Lola’s lessons) and then off to skate.

Lola was very excited because she has been learning new skating moves at the speed of sound and was quite anxious to show them off to her ESOL teacher, who had told her she was definitely going to be there. It had been about a month since we last saw her teacher at the rink, and today Lola was so happy she was almost in vibration mode.

While we skated I noticed Lola looking around for her teacher every so often, and when the Zamboni came out at 3:45, she went on a massive search. After the Zamboni finished and we were allowed to go back onto the ice, Lola was going to the concession area every fifteen minutes to see if her teacher had arrived, but each time she came back her expression was that of further disappointment.

By the time we were ready to go home, Lola looked at me and said, “Mom, I’m so mad at her. I just don’t care any more.” I told her I knew she was very sad and felt let down, but perhaps although her teacher really wanted to come and had planned to come, something else came up so that it just wasn’t possible. My heart was breaking for Lola’s feelings of betrayal and hurt, but I wanted her to understand that what she was feeling was part of a much bigger picture. Usually, once all the pieces of the whole picture are put together and we learn of the situations of all persons involved our reaction changes. She decided to talk to her teacher first thing tomorrow about it.

In the evenings just before bedtime, Lola and usually have our heart-to-heart talks. Today was no different. We sorted out all the issues of the day - - why Lavinia was grounded and why it was or wasn’t fair, how long until Kimmi would feel better from the dental surgery, and possible reasons why Lola’s teacher was a no-show at the rink.

We talked about forgiveness and situations where forgiveness is difficult, and Lola revealed to me that after how her Russian mama treated her she feels that she cannot ever forgive her. I just hugged her and told her everything takes time…

I thank God every day for this little girl, and the way in which He brought us together. I thank Him for what life experiences I’ve had, both good and bad, because that is what develops wisdom and insight within us. I’ve had some major forgiveness to distribute, and it was never an easy task.

I see now that even my most difficult life situations were really gifts in disguise. They were presented to enrich me emotionally so I may be better equipped to give Lola the foundation she needs of patience, tolerance and forgiveness once she can finally see the whole picture.

No comments: